Don't you think the sunset is the most lonely moment throughout the day, do you?
For me, Yes, I do think so. However, I think there is some difference between the sunset in Glasgow and Malaysia. I don't really feel the loneliness in Glasgow as I may be busying working on my own stuff like cleaning or watching drama or having lecture. Besides that, the sky of Glasgow is often grey and cloudy no matter it is day or night (due to the rain), making it relatively hard to see the sunset.
While in Malaysia, it is very obvious to realize the sunset even though you do not pay attention on the time. The sunset in Malaysia is extraordinary lonely. I don't know if other will have the same feeling as me as everyone is difference from each other.
So, yesterday when I was collecting the letter from the letter box which located outside the house, I realized how beautiful the landscape of the place that I live was although some trees and houses had blocked some of the view. The sky then slowly turned from baby blue into pink, orange and yellow. The mixed emotions especially the loneliness were enhanced at the moment while the sky was painted in rosy pink and it reminded me of how I spent my entire summer in Malaysia last year.
Last year summer was exhausting, awesome and fun. I felt love in it, not only the love from family but also friends. I went out with friends almost every night until 12 midnight even though I had to work in the morning. I am wondering where did I get the energy from. The date became more intense in July after the returning of my (best...?) friend. We went out for dinner, lunch and movie almost every day or at least twice a week. My friend is a guy but we were not considered as a couple. He has his own life and I have my own. I always have the same question for him when I see him that is: why are you not dating??! I thought it would be easier for those who study in Asia, especially in Taiwan - the Chinese speaking country, as they seem to be more compatible with each other and easier to go along with (due to the culture and language they both share... Am not saying that westerner are hard to go along, that is just my thought, my thought, don't get angry when the non-Asians are reading this).
We also text each other via whatsapp. I could still remember there was once my phone was dead and being sent to repaired in a sudden, so I didn't have time to record down the contact in my phone. I lost all my contact at the end. I got the messages from my friend quite a few times and I could feel the urgent of the message. The emoticon with loves and kisses appeared frequently in the content of the messages while we became closer. I avoided to key in those emoticon since I did not think that was suitable but I still added it in some of the time. People were suspecting us if we were in a relationship but so sorry we were not. When people asked me about it, I would say we were like brother and sister that more than just friends. To me, he is mostly a brother that take care of me. But I don;t know what I am to him, apparently just a friend.
I felt like I am a dumb when I saw he started to be in a relationship with a girl in Taiwan since February (maybe? Can't remember at all and why should I remember) on Facebook. My jaw almost dropped to the floor when I saw this accidentally and feeling so stupid at the first sight of seeing that. 'What the hell I was doing during last few month?! Am I crazy? Am I stupid?', I talked to myself. I was really stupid and just fall into the trap that set up by monster. Why am I so stuuuupid!! I was damn angry with myself. I have told myself not to be so welcome to the guys and be careful with all the guys. I don't want to fall into the trap of relationship because I find that is so difficult to get healed when you are hurt. But then, I was hurt. I was dumped by him immediately since he got his new girlfriend. There was no news about him lately. He did not text me afterwards and there is also no point for me to text him any more.
This year summer, I knew he was back but I am not sure whether he knows I am back too. Even he knows I am back, there is also pointless since there is already a huge gap between me and him. What the hell. I lost a friend that used to be so closed to me right after he found his loves one.
Right, this is not the first time. I don't know how many time I have to go through this? I have experienced this kind of feeling since high school, maybe secondary one or two and after that I told myself not to get into this kind of trouble again. And what the fuck, I fell into it once again. What I should say is I am not only stupid but extremely stupid.
Well girls, I am not asking you to stop loving but please, open your eyes before getting yourself into trouble. Don't get influenced by those rhetoric. Think carefully, be alert and stay calm.
To me, I don't know what call love any more. I don't want to get into this trouble again. And now, I am staying at home, don't feel like going out, refuse to go to cinema, refuse to meet up with friends even refuse to text. I should stay alone and to introspect about myself before starting another journey.
Oh, another stupid story again.
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