Okay, that's not the main story.
Since my tab was broken down, I then went to my aunt and uncle's shop to solve the issue. There is no doubt for me and my aunt to have a long conversation since I was waiting for my tab to be fixed and my aunt was sitting there for nothing too. We talked about my life in Glasgow, how I spent my days in Malaysia and many others.
One thing I most concern about from the day I went to Glasgow till now is about the ability. For example, the ability to live by yourself, financial ability and the problem solving ability. Financial ability is the most most most concern in my life. I hate people saying 'oh, your parents are so rich, that's why you are able to study overseas; wow, You've been t many countries huh! Are you using your own money? Yes, of course! That's the money I saved on my monthly expenses. Oh no no, that's still not your money!' and one more thing I really hate about is '你家里那么有钱，不用怕啦!'
Are you kidding me? I have to claim that I am not born in a super wealthy family however my parents are still able to send me overseas to pursue my dream of further studying overseas. I am neither a book worm nor a smart person that always have flying colours in the exam, so I am worried about my ability to study in other country especially it is gonna be a huge burden to my parents.
I still remember on a hot Tuesday afternoon while my high school was having the annual education fair in the school hall. As a Senior 2 student, it was almost the time to consider about your future pathway. I went there with my friends and got a huge stack of brochure from the fair. I actually find those were useless once you already have an idea what you want to study or be in the future. However, I was not prepared at that time and I was like a chicken with my head cut off - taking whatever brochure it provided. After that, I headed back to my 'home of dance society' and saw two seniors were discussing about their future. I asked them what field they would like to get into and the answer I got from them was simple - I am not sure.
Today, one of them has graduated in Australia and the other is learning pastry and dessert in a professional culinary school. The first thought came on your mind must be: ah, the girl who graduated in Australia must have gotten a better results than the other. I can't tell you who got better result in the unified exam because I don't know too. The news of the girl to further study in Australia spread fast and soon I heard a lot of people asking whether she got flying colors in UEC (unified exam certificate) and those people were saying 'i don't think so, but never mind, her family is rich'.
And that's the thing - her family is rich. Have you ever though of the sentence would be hurtful to the girl? I am glad she wasn't around there but the conversation has turned out to be a knot on me.
My UEC results turned out so badly although I had tried my best (did I?) I actually tried to avoid the conversation about my further study with my family because I didn't know what to study for as the result turned out so bad that gave me a big hit. But my dad insisted to bring me to a student consultant. I cried a lot in front of Jennifer, who helped me a lot on solving the issue of university application, while I confessed about my study, result and also the unquestionable future. I never thought of studying in the UK because the exchange rate were the most shocking (*5 something at that time) but SherMin (a girl who I met in ELS) gave me an advice on that. I told her and of course, Jennifer that I did not want to go to Australia and Singapore as I found a lot of Malaysian prefer to go there and I really wanted to go somewhere far from home so I could learn how to be independent. Malaysia is neither my choice too and my dad was not allowed too as he thinks the education in Malaysia isn't that good.
After deciding to go to UK, it is necessary to take a 6 in IELTS before applying any university. I showed my UEC results to Jennifer and I could feel she bet that I wouldn't get a 6.0 in IELTS because I only got B6 (almost C) in English. However, I made it and got exactly a 6.0 in IELTS but the other girl friend who got B3 in her English got 5.5 even she took IELTS twice. Jennifer even told me that I was too lucky for that (roll eyes to the max). Whatever, her English skill must have improved a lot since she has got a boyfriend who doesn't understand Chinese (damn jealous).
The worst thing I then need to overcome was family. The words from my aunt was so bad that I could still remember clearly - 哎呦， 去那么远做什么，又不是很厉害读书.
This really hurt me. Is hurt the most suitable word to describe my feeling? No, I don't think so, it is more than that.
That's the reason why I resist to tell my friends that I am going overseas. I don't want to let people think that I go overseas because my parents are able to do so. I got the offer letter from the university before paying a penny. So, how can you think of that? The reason why I put so much stress on myself in order to get a better result is just because I want to prove myself. I never been so hardworking in my life. These 3 years, I have been sleeping with my books, research papers, journal and articles. I am making endless effort to make myself a better person and also to get a better result to prove that it is not the money issue. No matter how hard working I am, the outsiders are never got to understand. The money issue is still remaining in their head, undeniable, me too.
Today, I am still afraid of unable to get second upper for my degree. That would be so disgraceful - absolutely disgrace to the max! And so, I should start working for my dissertation now, at least reading some useful articles that would help in the future. Sometimes hard work does pay but most of the time it doesn't, makes me feel so sick. I wonder WHY I am always the victim.
That is it for today. Too much words already. Finish up with my stupid collage selfie. Goodbye :))
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