Went out with my high school mate on Thursday night. Feeling better after a long talk with her. My face looks extremely dumb and dull here. It used to be pretty nice in the past.
A lot of things happened throughout this year. Majority of them were not good. People gone, the money issue, friends leaving and my uni's results. Stress suddenly came out from all the place that making me feel so lost. I don't know what to do, I really don't know. I cried like a baby, I shouted like a bitch, I bit myself, I scratched my arm. I locked myself in the room after knowing that baby Gio and Each would be moving. They would never know how much I hoped they could not find a house out there and continue to stay with me. I wished to tell them not to move out but I didn't want to be so selfish that only care about myself. They did ask me to move out but I love where I stay now. I don;t want to leave somewhere that I can have the lights and heater on for 24 hours without worrying the electricity cost. So I kept my mouth shut, stayed there quietly and watched them searching for the house for the entire day. I was so afraid to hear them saying: 'yes, we have found one!'.
I locked myself in the room after found out M is dating with someone. It was kind of funny since we were not couples but I cared so much about it. We were just friends who went out together, watched movie together, ate dinner together. I think I am simply dumb.
I told Li Ching that she was the 4th person I met after I came back. She then asked why. I told her because I think I am so awful. My face is so awful, my body is so awful, my whole situation is damn awful. I just want to stay alone.
I felt myself have lost something important that I need to find back. Something glorified me. I need to find back my confident, my smile, my happiness, all from heart, naturally.
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